Improv, Conversations, and the Beautiful faces of Eva

When I was a part of a drama team, one of my most favorite exercises was improvisation. I was always scared to start but once I was in it, I loved it. And I learned very quickly that what made an improv scene great was listening and paying attention to your partner. You had to listen and watch so you knew where the story was going and then you joined it. The moment you manipulated the story, got distracted or tried to draw attention to yourself, the improv failed.

For five nights a week I get to be with Eva. And I never know quite what the night is going to bring. Depending on the day she’s had or how busy she’s been or the work her brain has been doing, it’s always different. And I can’t wait to find out; I can’t wait to join in her story.

And her stories are communicated primarily through her beautiful face because Eva is currently nonverbal. There’s the big smile when she’s doing what she likes with the people she loves. There’s the smirk that she gives when she’s toying with us. The direct eye contact when I say our Bible verse. The closing of her eyes when she gets tired of hearing about my day. (No kidding. The girl closes her eyes if she’s not interested and then immediately opens them when I stop.) And maybe my most favorite, the big eyes and raised eyebrows when someone she loves shows up.

Communicating with Eva requires my full attention. I can’t be on my phone, watching tv or in the other room. When I’m talking to Eva and asking her questions, I’m looking directly at her and studying every move that she makes. To make sure I understand, to let her know that I’m listening. And her response (which often comes in the form of blinks) is sometimes immediate; other times delayed; and occasionally there is none. And when there is none, I choose to think the best of her, that she’s not in the mood or she’s just too tired to talk.

Which got me thinking. I don’t approach conversations in this manner with anyone else. I’m not locked in to them to the same degree. I’m often distracted, thinking of comments to make, questions to ask, shows that are waiting to be watched. And if they don’t respond within my timeframe, I move on.

So, I’ve been asking myself, what would it be like to enter into conversations with everyone like I do with Eva?

Well, I’ve been trying it out and let me tell you, IT IS SO HARD! The pull of distraction is incredibly strong. My iwatch whispers to me, my iphone calls for me, and the tv just stares at me, willing me to look at it. It’s been quite sobering to discover this, realizing that my attention to people is limp and lacking.

But I’m committed to working on this because my 2 hours a night with Eva are so meaningful. I pay attention to her; watching and listening and following her lead. It’s an improv exercise that has resulted in a relationship with her that I could never have imagined. And if it’s true with Eva, it’s got to be true with everyone else. So it’s up to me to turn off, set aside, listen and pay attention to make every conversation a great story. An improv that I get to join in and then walk away, knowing that we had a great one.