Giving an Account

Her name is Mallie and she lives in a town called Coal Top. It's a place where boys and men work in the mines to the point where some lose their sight and their voices. And the girls work for thoughtless rich people. And, what’s more, this town is run by Guardians and it's filled with dust. The sky, the trees, the ground. It’s all dirty and dusty. And watch out for the dustblobs. If one lands on you, you’ll be depressed and filled with negative feelings for days. So, as a result, everyone lives in hopelessness and fear. And this has gone on for years and years and years. Until, in one heart stopping moment, Mallie realizes the truth. That this has all been a lie. None of it is true. They’ve simply been living the stories they were told.

Living the stories they were told. At that point, I set the book down. A book called “Over the Moon” by a favorite author, Natalie Lloyd. I looked at Eva and said, “Holy cow! What a statement. What a truth. We live the stories we’ve been told.”

As a kid, growing up, as with most kids, it was a time when stories were rampant in my life. Stories of who they “said” that I was. Some stories being true, some not. Unfortunately, some of the untrue ones I believed. One story was that, as a redhead, I would never have a boyfriend or get married. A story that I believed, resulting in battling insecurity about my looks and lovability for many years. As a young adult, I was once told that I was loved for what he thought I could be. That insecurity lodging deeper. 

But then I met and “chose” other friends. Friends who believed in me. “Told me stories” that I was an actor, a writer. Stories that truly changed the whole trajectory of my life. A life that continues to be filled with opportunities to live out those stories I was told. 

And yet, other stories, less life-giving, continue to rummage around in me.

Last week at my counseling appointment, I was expressing my frustration that at 71 years old, I still find myself, at times, weak and afraid. My counselor looked at me and said, “Well, that’s not true. Let’s find different words to describe yourself.” I stared at her. She stared back at me. “I can’t think of any.” “Well, take your time because that’s what I want to hear from you.” After a few seconds I thought I would lighten the moment and said, “I’m smart enough. I’m good enough. And, doggone, people like me.” (SNL - 1992) She just continued to stare at me. So I kept quiet and thought about me. And it was really hard. Some of those stories were embedded in me and each time I tried to reach for, I guess, the truth, it felt untrue. And I realized, in that moment, that I was living the story that I had been told. And I needed to rewrite it. Actually I not only want to rewrite my stories but turn them into accounts.

I was talking with Dugan a while ago about Bible stories that I wanted to tell in our kids ministry. Dugan said, “Let’s not call them stories. Because the word “story” implies that they’re made up. You want to call them “accounts.” And I loved that. I love it for the stories in the Bible. I love it for me. And I love it for others.

Right after Eva’s accident, the doctor showed us a picture of her brain. Due to the fact that it was all gray, he told us not to expect anything more than just her being alive. Her brain would not rewire itself because there was no path for the rewiring to go. This was it. But Eva doesn’t live that life. At All! She smiles, big. She blinks in response to questions and comments. She opens her eyes wide when she wants to engage and pay attention. 

And she does all this because Dugan and Linds never allowed her to hear the story that the doctor told. They told her and continue to tell her a different story. Stories of how smart she is, how loving she is, how engaging she is. Stories that she lives every day of her life. Stories that I get to tell. Or, as Dugan would say, accounts of her life that I get to tell.

I’m reminded of the verse in Romans.

As surely as I live, says the Lord,

every knee will bow before me;

every tongue will acknowledge God.

So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

So that’s what I’m working on. Getting rid of the untrue stories from others and myself that I’ve lived and replacing them with who God made me to be and the life he wants me to live. So that when I stand before him, I can give an account of my life. A life written by Him and a life lived for Him.