Breakfast of Champions

Today in my Lent devotion, I read about Judas, the never to be forgotten, betrayer of all betrayers. He thought he was doing the right thing and yet…

I also read, the day before, about the others who betrayed Jesus, his disciples. The moment Jesus was arrested his friends took flight and ran away. And Peter, his bestie, denied him three times. These guys spent three years with him, lived with him up close and personal and yet they all betrayed him. But, being the Jesus that he is, he called Judas friend right before the kiss and later forgave these guys, his buddy 3 times. He is a God of relentless love.

Last Monday I began a fast - yes another. UGH. It was nagging at me for weeks until finally I relented. And began a 10 day food fast. You can imagine my thrill as I began each day. No food and no screen. What in the heck was I supposed to do with my time??? But it wasn’t long into the fast before I realized why God was asking me to do this. He wanted to give me a do-over. 

Seven years ago when Eva had a fall that resulted in a TBI of the worst kind, my immediate response was to demand, yes demand, that Jesus heal her. And when he didn’t, I turned my back on him. I took flight and ran away. 

I spent several years feeling a great deal of insecurity around Jesus, whether I could truly trust him. But in the last year I’ve returned to him fully, healed and recovered to the point where I’m able to pray small and big things again. Which brings me to this fast.

Each day was difficult - not for lack of food - but because I experienced on day two, flu-like symptoms followed by days of increasing weakness. Four days in, I laid on the floor and heard God say he was giving me a do-over. A do-over with Eva and Him. I had already begun to pray for complete healing for Eva but with the caveat that I was putting this healing in His hands, not mine. But this moment on the floor, it was a breakfast-at-the beach moment. Assuring me He had forgiven me and that He agreed with the bold prayer I’m praying for Eva. He trusted me to pray for her and to Him.

I only made it six days before I decided to end the fast. It was an emotional moment for me. I couldn’t keep going, but I felt the Lord give me the okay because he knew that I had work, a prayer room to lead and my evenings with our mutual focus, Eva. 

Lindsay, my daughter-in-law, gave me a great perspective on this. She reminded me of Abraham and how God had asked him to sacrifice his son on the wood pile. Abraham obeyed, lifted his knife, only to be stopped by the voice of God, “I know now that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son from me.” God asked me to fast for 10 days, only to stop me at 6 because, like Abraham, he was just checking to see if I would do it, if I was completely surrendered to him.

I’m reminded of the verse in Isaiah.

Is this not the fast that I have chosen: To loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke?

My first breakfast on day 7 was eggs with butter and bacon. Ooo baby. It was delicious. As I sat my plate down, I thanked God for the food for this Do-Over. Emotional again. I will always remember that breakfast and what it meant both to God and to me. To have the great privilege of being relentlessly loved and forgiven. A true breakfast of (with a) Champions.