Waiting. Hoping. And Hoping some more.

Many years ago I was a part of a prayer ministry called Trumpet Call. The name of it was based on the verse in Nehemiah 4:20. “When you hear the blast of the trumpet, rush to wherever it is sounding. Then our God will fight for us!” It started with a small group of us, gathering every Sunday night to pray for each other. But within a matter of months, as word got out, we soon had to split up and divide people into rooms due to, as scripture would call it, “the multitude” of people who came.

And people came for many reasons. Depression. Uncertain future. Challenges in their families. But many came to be healed of their pain and sickness. Before we would pray for healing, we’d ask if there was any unforgiveness that they might be holding on to. Any trauma in their life. Anger. Bitterness. Etc. Because we had learned over time that sometimes, not all the time, we get sick because of what we hold on to. And if there happened to be something held, we’d start there. But if there was nothing there, we’d simply and courageously pray for healing. 

But the one question I had never asked, and now I’m wondering why, was if the person in pain or battling depression was carrying around the weight of being unforgiven. Because being unforgiven causes great pressure and heaviness to a person’s heart and well-being. And unlike withholding forgiveness, there is no letting go or release to being unforgiven. In fact, it’s a weight that gains in strength and heaviness over time. And the only way to function in life with the fact that we are unforgiven is to compartmentalize it. All while trusting in God for his time and his healing. 

All of this has got me thinking about the weight that Jesus carried when he went to the cross. He had both our sin and our unforgiveness on him. It makes me even more aware and deeply grateful for what he did for us. Because, honestly, I don’t know how Jesus managed the whipping and then carrying his cross all while bearing our weight upon him. Everyone’s. Past, present and future. We carry a bag of sin and being unforgiven. He carried the world’s.

I know God wants to carry this weight of ours but so often it’s not possible. We have no control over being forgiven. We can forgive ourselves but that is a slow process in and of itself. So the only path we see before us is to, honestly, share the load. Jesus takes some and we take some. And together we continue on. Waiting. Hoping. And hoping some more.