Trauma Hotline

As best as I can recall, my mom and dad (may their memories be a blessing) met at a bar sometime during the early years of America’s involvement in WW2. They met, fell in love and then my dad headed to Europe to fly a B17 bomber for the Air Force while my mom went…well, I don’t think I ever knew where she was stationed. All I knew was that she was a WAC - a Women’s Army Corp recruit. It was while my dad was stationed overseas that he sent my mom a telegram asking her to marry him. As I think about it now, my mom and dad barely knew each other before the war and I’m pretty 99.9% certain that they didn’t know each other after the war, especially the one who came home from battle. 

I’m a big fan of British television series. I stream both Brit Box and Acorn to watch, well, make that read, some of their fabulous shows. Ludwig, Beyond Paradise, McDonald & Dodds, and, of course, Call the Midwife. Just to name a few.

For the last month I’ve been watching an older show called Foyle’s War. It’s set in the WW2 period and, like the Midwife, mixes a little drama with the truth of the times. I’m currently watching the end of the war when men come home. And it’s heart breaking. Seeing men, young and old, broken, lost, purposeless and traumatized. While their girlfriends and wives stand confused. For years they’ve been waiting for their fiances and husbands to come home only to discover that this is not the man they once knew and loved. To say they’re perplexed is an understatement. They’re desperate for life to return to normal but it won’t, or it won’t for a very long time. They are ill prepared, or should I say, unprepared for the state of their men.

Which is true of all of us who have experienced a devastating event or are close to someone who has been traumatized. Whether it’s coming home from a war, losing a child or friend from a catastrophic water surge or discovering your grandchild fell and has suffered a traumatic brain injury. We don’t know what to say when it happens. To the people who are hurting. Who are broken. Who are wrecked. We try but, in all honesty, most of the time we fail. Because no one trained us, prepared us, anticipated for what was coming.

I wish there was a “Trauma Hotline” available at every church. It would serve two purposes: to give general direction, offer help on how to respond to the hurting. And also, due to a direct line to someone close to the family, offer suggestions on what they need. We can’t operate in assumption because everyone is different and everyone handles their pain equally different. 

If I was one of those operators on the line, I would begin by suggesting two things:

1. When you see them, simply say, “It’s good to see you.” The last thing this hurting person wants is to answer questions about how they are, what happened, what can I do for you. They don’t know. I would then strongly suggest they move on. Don’t linger. It makes you appear like a columnist for People Magazine to stick around in the hopes of hearing the story. Just speak a simple truth of kindness. Believe me, it will do wonders.

   
   

2. If and when you drop something off at the house for them, don’t linger. Don’t start a conversation or hope to be invited in. If you can provide for them, without their knowledge, that’s even better. Always, always let the hurting person initiate contact.

3. I guess I have one more. This would be in the negative column. Don’t offer scripture verses, platitudes, or prayer. This sounds pretty unChristlike, but let me tell you, when you’re in the first wave of pain, you can barely function let alone look at God. You know He’s there and you know He’ll be there when you’re ready, but don’t push it. Again, just a few words will carry the hurting a long way.

Foyle’s War has given me a lot to think about. It’s inviting me to be aware of those hurting around me and then seeking God and also a friend to help me know how to show kindness. The kindness that thinks of the other person or persons and their needs and not how I’ll be their hero with the inside scoop. And if there’s ever a church that wants to start up a Trauma Hotline, I’ll be the first to sign up. It would be an honor.