Signs for Good and Further Examination

Years back while I was dealing with the breakdown of my marriage, I experienced a great deal of pain and rejection. To the point that some days I couldn’t or wouldn’t get out of bed. It was just too hard to think about, too hard to face another day, another worry, another decision. But my friend, Donna, didn’t let me live there long. She eventually started coming to my house each morning, standing outside my window, if I wasn’t up yet, calling my name until I finally came outside ready for our daily walk. A walk where we not only talked and prayed, but where she would ask me to tell her about my “sign for good.” Donna, knowing that I was struggling to feel God, came up with a plan for me, a scavenger hunt, so to speak, to search for God, calling it a “sign for good.” And so I went looking. And, yes, eventually, every day I found it. Some days it was food outside my door; another day, a friend took me for a surprise pedicure; another day, I simply found a quarter on the sidewalk. There was no measure of the value; just the surprise and the delight in finding anything and everything that could be defined as a “sign for good.”

Our staff is currently reading a book entitled, “Prayer” by Richard J. Foster. Each chapter addresses and teaches on a different kind of prayer. This week - The Prayer of Examen. Foster describes this prayer as having two parts: the examen of consciousness and the examen of conscience. The examen of consciousness is basically Donna’s word - looking for “a sign for good,” the presence of God in your day. The examen of conscience is searching and identifying where you fell short of the glory of God. 

After reading this chapter, I decided that I wanted to incorporate this prayer into my day. Into my evening. But it didn’t go quite as planned. You see, I found, on the first night, that my mind was blank. I couldn’t come up with much. Not only had I lost the practice of finding and recognizing God in my day, my “sign for good,” I also realized that, although I was sure I had sinned, I couldn’t identify it. It was as though it, sin, had become so much of who I was, it didn’t stand out. 

Well, needless to say, that left me feeling horrible. Not only because of the obvious unawareness of both God and sin, but also the distance that seemed to have taken place between God and me. To state the obvious, awareness of God in my day brings me closer to him. And the same is true of identifying sin. And I know this because over this past week, as I have prayed this Prayer of Examen each night, it has brought significance to my day. Finding my “signs for good.” Confessing my sin. They both draw me to God. But, I have to say, there’s something about the confession that feels weightier. I began to realize that it’s one thing to know you’re forgiven. It’s a whole new thing to confess and receive that forgiveness on a daily basis. 

There are many types of prayer, many of them not necessarily a daily prayer. But I think, for me, the Prayer of Examen, is one in which I hope to continue every night. In fact, that’s what I’ve started to do. On my final walk of the day with Max, my dog, I pray. The prayer of consciousness and the prayer of conscience. And it has brought an immeasurable lightness to my soul and spirit, recognizing that God had been with me throughout my day and knowing that through the confession of the day’s sin, I am forever and truly forgiven and unburdened of it all.

I gotta tell ya. It makes for a good night's sleep.