2nd Chance Prayer

We were nervous and excited as we entered the small room. Donna (my best friend) and I had been invited to a prayer workshop. We had no idea what to expect. We just felt that this is where we were meant to be. Where God was leading us. We didn’t know much more than that. We just knew that this was our next step in knowing God.

We had no idea what we were about to experience. As Margaret, the workshop leader, began to talk, I started taking notes, notebook of notes both with her and when I was at home. Studying scripture, reading books on Prayer and practicing with Margaret. Specifically, practice listening prayer. Up to this point I had been a longtime Christian and was someone who prayed, but never had I understood or ever thought I could or would hear the voice of God. But hear I eventually did. 

It was nerve wracking at first. I wasn’t sure if it was God speaking or just random thoughts. But Margaret encouraged us to speak out loud what we were hearing and well, I discovered that God did truly speak and I did hear him. Margaret taught us to be thoughtful in what we heard, making sure we were always attuned both to God and to the person we were praying for. Always asking if what we were saying resonated with them. If not, we threw it away. And so we practiced and practiced.

Donna and I soon felt led to start a prayer ministry in her home. It started small with just a few of us meeting every Sunday night, but pretty soon her home was filled with people wanting prayer, seeking healing, desiring freedom. It was wonderful and devastating all at the same time. We saw people set free and people coming to know Jesus in a deeper way. We also experienced great loss. Donna battled cancer that led to her eventual death. I found myself, in the midst of all this, watching my marriage break and eventually die. Every Sunday Donna and I showed up to pray for people in the midst of our battles, me barely able to get out of my car, Donna battling pain and weakness. But the evening always ended with hugs and praising God for what He had done. My journey of prayer continued after our prayer group ended. I kept on praying, listening and speaking what I heard the best I could. 

But that all changed on August 22, 2019 when my granddaughter, Eva, was in a horrible golf cart accident suffering a traumatic brain injury. All listening to God went right out the window. I stood in the middle of Dugan and Lindsay’s living room, looked straight into the eyes of God and had the audacity to say to him, “You will heal her!!” I said it again and again and again. But He didn’t heal her. At least, not in the way I had demanded.

And thus began the demise of my prayer life. I went a full year not praying because God couldn’t be trusted. I eventually bought a new Bible and began to read and underline promises that He had made, questioning everyone of them. Again, to his face.

Slowly, though, I returned to prayer, but they were tentative and uncertain. If I was in a room with someone speaking passionately about prayer and God’s promises, a panic attack would ensue and I would have to leave quickly so I could find my breath. 

But eventually my faith and trust in God returned. It was very slow and very methodical, but I began to love prayer again. Hearing God. Encouraging others. And as of a few months ago, I thought I was completely healed. Until I was invited to pray for a little girl. I was all in until a friend said she felt God wanted to miraculously give this little girl a kidney. The old panic attack returned. And frustration. I thought I had been healed and was fully back. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t agree with this prayer. I could barely be in the room when this prayer was prayed. I was so frustrated. What in the world? 

It was the next Sunday that a newly formed prayer group gathered at church. I was invited to be a part of it. But I felt, in that moment, like an imposter. If they only knew how weak my faith and prayer life truly was, they wouldn’t have invited me. 

At the end of our time together, we divided up into small groups to pray for this new ministry. I had to confess to my group that I wasn’t in a good place. And, of course, they immediately prayed for me. To be honest, I didn’t expect much in the form of results - which shows you exactly where I was at. But to my surprise, each day became, well, brighter. I felt renewed and honest and truly unburdened for the first time in 7 years. As I look at those few minutes with these friends who prayed for me, I think their prayers were removing those first demanding words that I had spoken to God seven years ago. The seed of where my anger and doubts began. Unbeknownst to them, they were finishing the thorough work that God had been doing in me.

I haven’t felt this free and unburdened in a long time. And wouldn’t you know it, in just a matter of days God spoke to me. Ever so clearly. And said, “What do you say we start over? Want to begin again and pray for Eva?” Yes, I do. Because this time I’m ready to listen and pray as God leads me. I’m ready to pray boldly as he directs me without the burden of the expectation. I knew God was a God of 2nd chances. I just never thought it would be in the form of prayer. 

So, I’m praying for Eva’s brain and her complete healing. I’m praying for Harlow to grow a kidney and her complete healing. My prayers are hopeful and steadfast. And when the Lord tells me to pray with boldness, I’ll be ready. But not before I clearly hear His voice. Because I will not waste or lose this 2nd Chance Prayer.