One Wish

I have fallen in love with a new author. Her name is Natalie Lloyd. And the book I’m currently reading is “Hummingbird.” A book that I have been reading to Eva for the last few months. It is so good that I can’t wait to see Eva each night and find out if she’s up for another chapter. I’m not exaggerating when I say that after each reading, as I close the book, I’m lost in thoughts.

The story is about Olive, a girl who suffers from Osteogenesis imperfecta. Brittle bones, for short. She’s 11 years old, navigates her life in a wheelchair, and finally, after years of begging, is allowed to attend public school. Because there’s nothing that Olive wants more than to have a BFF. And…”to be normal.” She makes a statement, early on in the book, that she wishes people would see her for who she is and not for her brittle bones. Which led me into days of thinking about that alone.

The story soon revolves around a Hummingbird. But not just any hummingbird. The legend goes that whoever can solve a riddle by the time of the blue moon rising will lead them to this unique Hummingbird where their one wish will be granted. Which, as you can imagine, grabs the attention of Olive (along with the whole town). And, thus, she begins her pursuit, along with her new friend, Grace, to find this magical bird.

One wish. And that’s where I have lived for the past week. One wish. 

If I had the chance to make a magical wish, what would it be? You’d think that I would have an answer or a slew of ideas instantly, but I don’t. Of course, my mind immediately goes to Eva, my granddaughter, to Harlow, a little one month old, and to my friend, Carrie. But I can’t seem to do it. Because those “wishes” are currently out there. And I’m still waiting for them to be granted. 

For five years I have prayed for Eva’s healing. For a month I have prayed for Harlow. For over a year now, I have prayed for Carrie. But, despite my prayers, there is still brokenness, pain, disease and uncertainty of the future. And yet…

I can’t say that God has been idle. At all. I know and can see his hand in each of those for whom I’ve prayed. Not in the way I want, but his work and presence is undeniable. But, what is even more surprising, is the work that he’s done in me through all this.

I am not the same person I was 5 years ago. I used to be so sure of myself. My faith, my beliefs, my values, my personhood. But when I was forced to wrestle with Eva’s accident and the growing list of unanswered prayers, like Olive with her Osteogenesis imperfecta, my faith showed its brittleness. When I put weight on it, it broke. And that’s where I thought I’d remain. But, God, in his kindness, helped me. For a long time. Through many battles. To the point where I am becoming a different person than I have ever been before. And I’m now finding that I’m able to stand for short periods of time. In faith, in prayer, in trust, without buckling.

As Olive discovered her true wish (no spoil alert here), it appears that I have, too. At the risk of sounding like an ancient sage or some self-aggrandized super Christian, my one wish is simply this. To know God. Because in knowing him, with all the joys and equally gut-wrenching pain, I have and continue to change. For the good. And I’m also so immensely grateful for those friends and family and others who, along with God and unbeknownst to them, have shared in the redefining and strengthening of my life.

Which reminds me of a song from the musical, Wicked. It keeps playing over and over in my head as I write this. 

I've heard it said,

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn.

And we are led to those

Who help us most to grow if we let them.

And we help them in return.

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today

Because I knew you.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good.