My very own Hallmark Christmas movie

The Ralston family, including Lucy, Will, Amber, their grandparents, and their widowed father Ted, return home for Christmas. Ted has remodeled the family home into a bed and breakfast, but he's not very business-savvy and may lose the property if he can't turn it around quickly. The family plots to get a five-star review from a travel writer who shows up unexpectedly. Lucy falls for a guest named Jake, but she can't tell him how she feels.

Hallmark movies. They’re known for family and hope and love and all the warm fuzzies. I’m a big fan of Hallmark and look forward to their arrival every year. Of course, I only watch three of them all the way through, but those three are worth watching. More than once. Because they’ve got a fresh theme, an excellent ensemble of actors and an ending of, as always, hope. But as much as I love Hallmark - or at least those three good ones - they truly do me a disservice. 

This all came to mind as we brainstormed about Christmas Eve at a creative meeting. What to do for Christmas Eve? How to bring hope in the midst of the world in which we live. The real world - unfortunately, not the Hallmark world. Which got me thinking. 

There is a pocket in my heart that I try to avoid. A pocket filled with my reality. A reality that gets magnified at Christmas. Because I don’t have the Hallmark movie story line. My family is broken. I’m divorced. And I have a crucial fractured relationship. I won’t be gathering the family at my ranch for the holidays. I won’t be practicing the traditions that I once heralded. I won’t experience the perfect Christmas gathering that Hallmark promises. Because I live in my real world.

But what’s really got me thinking is the gift of Jesus. The reason for the season as the lawn signs proclaim. A gift that I misplace. Which is weird to acknowledge because I work at a fabulous church. A church that is devoted to bringing Jesus to a diverse world. And yet, as I think about it, my Christmas Jesus is lost somehow in my personal Christmas life. I get caught up in the disappointment that I no longer have the ideal family unit. I stress about gift giving. I worry about the day itself and how it will look and feel. 

I don’t like taking this stuff out of my pocket and looking at it. Because it’s painful and more stressful. But I want more than anything to enjoy and embrace Christmas. The Jesus Christmas. Because that is the true Hallmark Story. A story filled with honest-to-goodness family and hope and love. A story that invites me in and doesn’t provoke worry or stress or disappointment. 

So how do I do that? Well, that’s where I’ve been all day. Thinking about this. How to turn these lovely thoughts into a reality. Well, here’s where I’m at. I’m going to do my best to give gifts of Jesus this year. (No worries, friends and family. Bags and boxes will still be under the tree.) But if I can focus on how I can love better these key people in my life then maybe I can empty out my pocket and truly embrace the season. Giving them - in writing, possibly; still in the incubation period - my gift, my true gift this Christmas. To have faith for them like Jesus has faith for me. To bring hope to them like Jesus brings to me. To love them like Jesus loves me. 

I'm going to keep processing this, but I think I'm on the right track. And then hopefully, when all is said and done, I can have and live the story I’ve always longed for. My very own Hallmark Christmas movie.