"It's to my glory."

A few weeks ago I joined with a group of people to pray for a little girl named Harlow. We met at their home for seven days. I was eager to join them because prior to that, as I prayed, I sensed God wanting to lay hands on her for her healing. And I was eager to do just that. 

And I did pray for her healing…in general. It was my faith and spirit-filled friend, Sara, who prayed specifically; specifically for a 2nd kidney. But when I tried to do that my throat tightened up, I couldn’t get the words out and anxiety took over. So I stayed in the background, laying hands on Sara as she prayed beautiful words of healing over this little girl. 

When the week was over I knew I had to address this anxiety that had settled in my soul. But I didn’t want to. Doggone, I thought I had been healed of my fear and distress caused by unanswered prayers of healing for Eva. I thought my faith had been made whole again. It’s been 6 years!!! But it was clear that I was still broken. And boy has that consumed my thoughts this week.

What’s it going to take to get past this? Why can’t I pray for healing, especially when I strongly sense God asking for that?? Each morning and every evening while I have walked my dog, Max, this week I have beseeched God for answers. And finally an answer came. Words as clear as day. “It’s to my glory.” 

Well, that stopped me in my tracks. I stood on the sidewalk listening to that phrase over and over again. “It’s to my glory.” Then God began to explain himself.

When I prayed for Eva’s healing, my prayer was immediate and without hesitation. “God, heal her.” I repeated that prayer over and over and over for days, weeks and months, dare I say years. I prayed she’d sit up, talk, walk, run. Because it wasn’t right that a girl with such powerful joy and love would be left to live her life with special needs. It wasn’t right that her mom and dad and brother would lose their life-giving daughter and sister. And I didn’t want to lose her either. So I prayed earnestly, powerfully. But healing did not come. And I was left anxious.

As I continued to walk Max, God brought to mind some stories, true stories from the Bible. Peter visited by an angel in prison, unlocking his chains and setting him free in order to continue to spread the good news. The story of Lazarus. A man who, because of his resurrection, caused the news of his new life to spread beyond the city limits. And certainly the story of Saul becoming Paul discovering Jesus and becoming the #1 prolific writer of the New Testament. These people were set free from their imprisonment, their death and their blindness in order to spread the good news and the truth that “It’s to my glory.”

Then just yesterday, God reminded me of this verse from 2 Corinthians: “So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”  

Dugan, Linds and I have all written countless posts about Eva. And we would, without hesitation, agree that she is a miracle. As people read about Eva, many have prayed for the first time, approached Jesus for the first time, found a prayer life that continues today because of Eva. Her “weakness” has had a powerful impact on our world. And I mean world. We get comments from various countries, some languages I can’t read, but I sense their heart for her and for God. I cannot deny that Eva’s incomplete healing has brought incredible glory to God. 

So with all this that God has revealed to me, I’m thinking that I need to change my own personal approach to prayer. Make it a 2-step process. The first step is prayer for healing; the second step is asking God how to ignite His glory - no matter the outcome of the prayers. If they are healed, we come back together and ask God to release this news to the ends of the earth. If healing doesn’t take place, I invite the back and ask God how he can be glorified in this weakness. Prayer of all kinds and all results must be to his glory. Otherwise, for me, I will live an anxious life, fearful life. And I sure don’t want that. 

So, I begin this day with a fresh approach to prayer. Healed or unhealed, I have to - I have to - always remember that with every word of prayer and result that comes -  “It’s to my glory.” And then trust that my own healing - or not - bring him glory, remembering that God's power works best in my weakness.