It was around 2005 that my friend (let’s call her Annette) finally talked me into watching, at least, one episode. From the one episode I then proceeded to binge watch all 7 seasons. Followed by 5 seasons of the spin off. The first show - Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The spin-off - Angel. Some of the best story telling I had ever watched. But it was the story of Angel that truly intrigued me.
Angel was a regular guy until he got bit by a vampire and then became a vampire himself. After which he then spent hundreds of years terrorizing and killing people. Until he angered a witch who then put a curse on him that his soul would be returned. Well, with the return of his soul, Angel then experienced horrific torment because with his soul came the tremendous guilt and shame for all he had done.
Lately, actually for some time now, I feel as though I’m living in a vampire invasion. A world with too many, what appears to be, soulless people. People who seem to speak and act in a way that feels vampire-like. Stealing from people, hurting people with their words and actions, others killing people. Some days it’s too much. I turn off the news and choose to stick my head in the sand of worship, Hallmark movies or the music of Ben Rector.
Maybe the world has always been like this. Maybe my country has always been on the brink of another civil war. Well, there’s really no “maybe” about it. I know it to be true. But it’s only through TV and social media that I’m now exposed to it. It’s just all so overwhelmingly heartbreaking. I find myself asking God how in the heck did this happen? How did people “lose their soul,” lose sight that their behavior and words were and are so unbelievably harmful to others?
One of the unique things about vampires, according to this “factual” show of Angel, is that a vampire cannot enter your home unless he’s invited. Talk about spiritual significance. In all this wrestling that I’m doing, I am forced to recognize the answer to my earlier question, coming directly through this fictional vampire. The “how could this happen? question.
It’s because we invite it in. I invite it in. Hate and torment begins with a sliver of jealousy, a seed of hurt, anger unresolved, a nugget of prejudice, moments of superiority, forgiveness withheld. All of it left alone to just weed itself into the very core of who we are. To, if we’re not careful, turn us into vampires who lose our souls.
Which in all this has forced me to spend an exorbitant amount of time with God, seeking his help. Psalm 139 - Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
I need to do everything I can to fight the temptation of soullessness. To fight against the lie that I have the “right” to hurt, to slander, to live in superiority, to withhold forgiveness. Daily I need to invite God to, not only search me, but then to help me live in righteousness. Which is so much easier read and said than done.
And speaking of not being easy, one of Jesus’ most challenging statements hovers over me. Matthew 5:43-45. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.”
Feels impossible. But if anyone lived in a world of prejudice, unforgiveness, and the threat of abuse and death on a daily basis, it was Jesus. So I’ve got to trust his words. And his life example. And forgive. In order to keep hold of my soul.
God is the one who gives me my soul and he is the one who will put back my soul when I surrender all my slivers and seeds to him.
Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.”
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