Live in the "Doing Better"

I was asked to speak at her service. I had only known Jessica for less than a year, but I adored her. She always brought a smile to my face and joy to my heart. Jessica was 39, in a wheelchair and spoke with a bit of slur to her speech. Our conversations in between services were always fun and I always checked in on how she was doing. But it wasn’t until the evening of her service did I realize that I had made a huge mistake.

I was reading to Eva the other night another story from a book about teenage girls and their challenges in high school. This particular one was about a girl named Hannah and the growing awareness that she no longer connected with Sophia, a girl who had been her closest friend since grade school. They had grown up and realized that they had become different people, no longer sharing the same interests and values. It was a tough conversation, but they made it through; still friends, just not besties.

I closed the book and asked Eva if she felt that way, too. Did she feel left behind because she could no longer hang with her friends, doing the high school thing? This is the 3rd book of its kind that we have read together, and after each chapter we talk about it. But this time I asked rather than just talked. And when I asked the question, she blinked, which in Eva language is “yes.” I immediately thought, of course, she feels these things. Of course, she misses her friends. Of course, her life is different from others.

I did the same with Jessica. I talked but never asked about her life - outside of church. I am so ashamed to say this, but It wasn’t until her service, looking at her pictures, reading her bio, hearing other stories that I discovered that prior to this last year, she had been a vibrant, active and vocal member of our community. She held a Bachelors and a Masters in Social Work and was a passionate advocate for disability rights, ensuring that people with disabilities lived quality lives despite their limitations. She and her twin brother were both born with cerebral palsy, very active, very invested, both leaders in their world. It was only in the last year that Jessica’s life began to decline. And that was the life I saw; not her past, not her contributions.

And I should know better. 

My brother, also born with cerebral palsy, is quiet these days. Doesn’t talk much. And anyone who meets him now would assume that he’s always been quiet and a little slurred in his speech. But, like Jessica, that is so far from the truth. He was an orator - that’s my nice way of saying that he liked to talk a lot. 😉 He couldn’t help it. He was passionate about civil rights, the Kennedys, God and caring for the underprivileged and the under-regarded. He’s lived a life of great influence. 

So I knew better. I knew better than to accept Jessica at face value. I know better than to accept Eva at face value. I know this girl hears and responds and reacts. She’s incredibly intelligent - just ask her teachers. Eva’s fully aware of what’s going on around her. She’s got feelings and thoughts and opinions. But unless you ask and assume that there’s more than meets the eye, you’ll never know.

I’ve spent a lot of time this past week thinking about Jessica and Eva and others who “appear” less connected to the world. Kids on the autism spectrum. At Heartland Church we welcome these special kids with open arms, but if I’m honest, I’ve not taken the time to know them. And if the Telepathy Tapes (#1 podcast last year) are true, which John Burke, author of “Imagine Heaven” says that they are, then there is far more to these kids and my brother and Eva than meets the eye.

I’m letting go of the guilt that I’ve carried this week. In its place is a commitment to look past the outward and dig into the inward. Of those with disabilities. Of those with abilities. Because it’s true for all of us. We’re ALL so much more than we look and sound. I don’t want to miss out on anyone ever again, feeling the regret of, “I should know better.” I want to live in the “doing better” so I don’t miss out on anyone else and the life that they’ve lived and the life that they are living right now.